An Imperial Second Chance

23 Nov 2014

lorraine
The chill in the air nearly takes my soul
as I walk down The Street of Doubt.
I can see summer in the distance,
I can see the golden air,
but this is the coldest I've ever been.

Back in my room,
where I was trapped in my bed,
my stink was my only friend.
It comforted me during
my eternal days of solitude.
With it, I knew I was still alive.
But as much as it was my comfort,
it was the bane to my existence.
My stink, it kept me grounded,
reminding me with every inhale
of my uselessness to myself,
and to the world.
It validated all of my doubts.
I had nothing to offer,
nothing to give,
and therefore nothing to ask for.

So there I laid, nearly extinct,
ambling aimlessly through my foggy mind.
The only activity was to think,
because all I had was time;
everyone had already left me behind.
They went off to pursue big things,
to fall in love, and to make love.

I watched them go,
I watched them gallop away like foals
into The Sun.
I watched as they chased
their second chances faithfully.
I watched them from my bed like a fool.
But I had a good view.
From my bed,
I could see their lives being built,
shiny and new.
I could also see my pathetic life
slowly crumbling away,
piece by piece into the ocean.

But at the peak of my despair,
something strange occurred.
As I lay with my eyes open
and my heart closed,
a twinkle of silver light grazed my soul.
I stirred in my restless existence.
What was it?
A fairy of new beginnings
had entered my inoperable heart
and turned it on.
It breathed life back into my corpse.
It was magic.
It was love.
It was Earth.
It was the audacity of hope...

I rose from my blanket of ashes,
a Phoenix once again.

My ears burned from the racket
of the war inside my chest:
to live or not to live?
I chose to live.

I leaped out of the bed
and into the bath.
I no longer needed the stink
to reassure me of my existence.
Now I had love and a beautiful destination.
After cleansing my body of self hatred,
I ran out into the world
and away from the crypt
I once called my home.

After climbing many mountains
and sailing many seas,
I ended up here, on The Street of Doubt.
My last obstacle
is this arctic landscape.
This last street on my journey
is my final task before glory.
The only thing I have to give myself
is my might, so I will not stop and rest.
I will trudge onward.
The air becomes increasingly frigid
as I inch closer toward the light.
But I must not get stuck here.
I have to get to the end of this road,
I have to get to summer.
Because there lies an imperial 
second chance to get it all right.
The golden air, the blue sky...
all the things summer has to offer
provide the inspiration I need
to live and to love.
It's my turn to let my soul bask in The Sun.

So onward I trod,
my future straight ahead.
I'm nervous.
My life is about to change
so drastically and so quickly
into something wonderfully horrifying.
Even as I walk through this tundra,
I feel good.
Excitement is boiling in my chest.
Laughter is bubbling in my gut.
Triumph is buzzing impatiently 
in my fingertips.
What will I say when I get there?

"Sun, I give my heart and soul to you."

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lorraine

I write poems every now and then, when the weight of my own thoughts gets too heavy for my mind.

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