The Craving (POE PARODY)

The Craving
A parody of Edgar Allen Poe’s The Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary skipping through a dreamland cheery,
Dreaming of some poem by Fancy which I read the night before,
Suddenly awoke The Craving, whispering and gently raving
As I started salivating for the junk food I adore,
Filled with lush and vivid cravings for the junk food I adore,
  Tis a craving, nothing more 
Suddenly it grew much stronger, I knew I wouldn’t last much longer,
Guided by some force unseen I slammed aside the fridge’s door,
Mauling junk food by the bunches, calories for fifteen lunches,
Despite the many miles and crunches which I’ve suffered and abhor,
Grueling sit ups, sprints and side bends which I hate, detest, abhor!
 Chiseled six-pack? – Nevermore
Later sitting, dull and weary, listening to Dennis Leary,
Contemplating Quantum theoryto escape this night of bore.
Coming swiftly to my saving, jumped aboard the cunning Craving
Telling tales of misbehaving fueled by fun and booze galore,
Telling me of local bars with women, booze and joy galore.
  I’ll have one drink, and nothing more
Sitting at the bar debating, lost in thought and ruminating,
Ruminating which fine beverage gentlemen like me adore,
Choosing bourbon, beer or vodka cause Russians say “life isn’t sladka”
Jim Beam, Miller or Kamchatka - choice of wisdom, skill and lore,
Trying to pick a worthy beverage from a list of liquid lore
  Quote The Craving “Either or” 
Drink, drink drinking, seldom thinking, till the walls were dancing, shrinking,
Waltzing, jumping, laughing, falling like they never have before.
I think the bouncer’s name was Bernie, asked me if I need a gurney,
To assist me on my journey towards a fading distant door,
“I fear the perils that plague this journey halt my quest to reach the door.”
  Quote The Craving “Hit the floor!!”
Woke in moonlight pale and Eire contemplating Hara Kiri,
To escape this wrathful headache and its shrilling, strident roar,
Feeling empty, drunk and lonely, wishing for a one and only,
A loving lady to console me like the waves console the shore,
Like a ship so lost at sea which seeks the safety of the shore.
  I know its cheesy, say no more
Then I heard it in the distance, never slowing for an instance,
Marching strong in all its forces, loudly beating drums of war. 
From my groin emerged The Craving, filling me with thoughts depraving
And desires so enslaving to a primal beastly chore.
“Oh how do I fight these cravings for this primal beastly chore?”
 I’m but a man, and nothing more 
Listing through a book of numbers, calling exes, breaking slumbers 
Till a candidate I found whose tender ears were not as sore,
Through the phone I started singing, all my love I spoke of bringing,
Soon her doorbell I was ringing and she opened up her door,
With a look of wild enchantment she then opened her front door
 No, her name was not Lenore
I stood before her sleek and smiling, a perfect gentleman beguiling,
But deep inside were thoughts defiling, rotten to their filthy core,
Our hearts were beating loud and brawling, our dancing whims felt so enthralling,
Into her ear I started drawling “you’re the one I still adore.”
“Oh darling, worlds have come between but you’re the one I still adore”
 Quote the craving “skip the bore”
Minutes pouring into hours, feelings bloom like April flowers
Hands could not resist much longer and proceeded to explore,
Weakened barriers eroding, passions firing, exploding
And I in great need of unloading, took the madam on the floor,
In the smoke on burning passions bodies tangled on the floor.
 Hit the lights and close the door!
Through the windows crept the morning, she is screaming while I am snoring,
Screaming how naïve she was to even let me through the door
“You! You scoundrel set your trap and, oh, I fell for all your crap and
I don’t even know what happened but your spell work as before.”
Oh how gullible was I to buy your bullshit as before!”
 Quote The Craving “just ignore”
She is crying and embarrassed, I climb out the window bare assed,
As loud thuds of violent pounding devastate the bedroom door,
Seems her husband came home early, a hefty chap, robust and burly,
Oh I know he’ll kill me surely by decrees of marital lore,
So I ran at speeds of legends, mythic tales and fabled lore.
 Quote The Craving “There’ll be more”
So I live a slave to passions, wearing whim’s despotic fashions
As The Craving in my outline casts a shadow on the floor,
Oh long will it corrupt me, shoot its lava to erupt me
And command me so abruptly like a general in war.
Oh how long will ID continue waging this demonic war?
Quote The Craving “Evermore”

gene16180

My muse can be unseemly and nomadic although she fancies meter and good rhyme, her diligence and output are sporadic, and some may say she’s moving past her prime. At times she’s off consorting with the sages reflecting on existence, as it were, At...

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