the darkness

there's a darkness, an emptiness,
 that I cant escape
creeping over me 
like a blanket, a drape,
 a shadow, a cloud,
a grave getting deeper
if I said 'I want out'
would that make me any weaker?
than everyone else that is struggling too?
than everyone else that is muddling through?
should I be stronger? should I man up?
I don't think I can, this shit just wont stop
the loneliness is deafening,
the emptiness is cruel,
I feel like i'm being stupid,
I feel such a fool,
I've got so much to live for,
yet nothing left to lose,
how the fuck does that work?
I am so confused!
this crucifying cycle that I cant seem to break
this stupid smile i'm struggling to fake,
my head Is so heavy i'm so fucking tired,
each attempt of happiness, completely backfired,
I hope the end is near,
one way or another,
this will all be over,
I wont feel so smothered,
so lost, so  empty,
bruised and broken,
'And still I rise'
not a truer word spoken!