I Paid My Dues
In spring when I was just a girl Adjusting to this cruel world I paid my dues ~ Too soon my skin wore callused gown, I learned to act, I learned to frown While weaving silk from thistledown I paid my dues ~ I thought I'd entered into hell Manacled soul in haunted shell And no-one dried the tears that fell When I was bade to never tell. I paid my dues ~ In summer I was no sweet maid Who lightly laughed and gently played But braver now and unafraid My shield defending every raid Though innocence was torn and frayed I paid my dues ~ So bold was I - and brash I'll bet With eyes of jade and heart of jet. I never made a teacher's pet But darkened strangers often met Who paid for me in coins of sweat. I grinned at their discomfort, yet I paid my dues ~ In autumn, life had made of me The woman of my destiny. No longer desperate to be free, Nor spend my days upon my knees, I built my nest contentedly Yet craved for something secretly Uncertain as a memory. I paid my dues ~ Too few, my options one by one Had withered in the autumn sun And all the fantasies I'd spun Had blown to dust as they'd begun. Too many things were left undone, Too many roads I'd left to run So even in the autumn sun, When time was short and almost done, I paid my dues ~ In winter, at the summing end, I talk with God like any friend, My eyes are dim, I cannot bend Nor can I broken bridges mend. No energy can I expend To clean the slate or to offend And it becomes a growing trend To smile as through my days I wend. Yet, still through habit I pretend, I pay my dues ~ As Earth prepares her dress of snow I'm at the stage of my last show Where seeds of resignation grow So, softly, death comes tippy-toe To take its uncomplaining foe. And, though I walk with footsteps slow, I am undaunted, for I know That heaven's realm can hold no woe Compared with anything below. And when they ask me, I will show I paid my dues. ******* this poem is more special to me than most, for many reasons; it is largely autobiographical; it is in a form I have never found anywhere before and because of that it has received more attention than almost any other poem of mine; it has been modified to within an inch of its life (though nothing of mine is EVER sacrosanct. If you found a single flaw, I would change it, I promise.); and it is about the bravest poem I ever attempted; thus, with apology, I am proud of it. Finally, if I am ever remembered as a poet when am gone, I hope it is for this poem. ******** I don't know which category to put it in, so generic will have to do.
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Dawn
Started writing poems at age 14, lyrics a lot later and am still doing both to my astonishment. Along the way I wrote a couple of novels and they are published by Amazon. I am gloriously happy in my marriage, after 50 years and I am relieved to say...
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