I Paid My Dues

23 Mar 2006

Dawn
In spring when I was just a girl 
Adjusting to this cruel world 
I paid my dues
~
Too soon my skin wore callused gown, 
I learned to act, I learned to frown 
While weaving silk from thistledown 
I paid my dues
~
I thought I'd entered into hell 
Manacled soul in haunted shell 
And no-one dried the tears that fell 
When I was bade to never tell. 
I paid my dues
~
In summer I was no sweet maid 
Who lightly laughed and gently played 
But braver now and unafraid 
My shield defending every raid 
Though innocence was torn and frayed 
I paid my dues
~
So bold was I - and brash I'll bet 
With eyes of jade and heart of jet. 
I never made a teacher's pet 
But darkened strangers often met 
Who paid for me in coins of sweat. 
I grinned at their discomfort, yet 
I paid my dues
~
In autumn, life had made of me 
The woman of my destiny. 
No longer desperate to be free, 
Nor spend my days upon my knees, 
I built my nest contentedly 
Yet craved for something secretly 
Uncertain as a memory. 
I paid my dues
~
Too few, my options one by one 
Had withered in the autumn sun 
And all the fantasies I'd spun 
Had blown to dust as they'd begun. 
Too many things were left undone, 
Too many roads I'd left to run 
So even in the autumn sun, 
When time was short and almost done, 
I paid my dues
~
In winter, at the summing end, 
I talk with God like any friend, 
My eyes are dim, I cannot bend 
Nor can I broken bridges mend. 
No energy can I expend 
To clean the slate or to offend 
And it becomes a growing trend 
To smile as through my days I wend. 
Yet, still through habit I pretend, 
I pay my dues
~
As Earth prepares her dress of snow 
I'm at the stage of my last show 
Where seeds of resignation grow 
So, softly, death comes tippy-toe 
To take its uncomplaining foe. 
And, though I walk with footsteps slow, 
I am undaunted, for I know
That heaven's realm can hold no woe 
Compared with anything below. 
And when they ask me, I will show 
I paid my dues.

******* this poem is more special to me than most, for many reasons; it is
largely autobiographical; it is in a form I have never found anywhere before
and because of that it has received more attention than almost any other poem of
mine; it has been modified to within an inch of its life (though nothing of mine
is EVER sacrosanct. If you found a single flaw, I would change it,
I promise.); and it is about the bravest poem I ever attempted; thus, with apology, I am proud of it.

Finally, if I am ever remembered as a poet when  am gone, I hope it is for this
poem. ********
I don't know which category to put it in, so generic will have to do.

Rhyming

Generic

57

0

Dawn

Started writing poems at age 14, lyrics a lot later and am still doing both to my astonishment. Along the way I wrote a couple of novels and they are published by Amazon. I am gloriously happy in my marriage, after 50 years and I am relieved to say...

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