Red Riding Hood

The big bad wolf one day
Drunk at the bar was heard to say
"Riding Hood? I know that bitch
And her grandma, what a witch!   
They're the reason I lost my arm,
All For what? I meant no harm.     
I know I'm a wild animal
But I aint no fucking cannibal!   
Well the bitch was picking daisies in my wood
Thought to myself 'this aint good'  
You see I nurtured them forever, I WATCHED THEM  GROW
Was gonna enter ‘em in the annual flower show.  
The Red Cow stomped, crushed and stole my babies 
Of course I was pissed, I still had rabies, 
Knowing that her gran was ill
Thought I'd visit, I had time to kill.
So I went to bitch about my loss   
And maybe catch up some village goss
But all the old hag did was laugh in my face
I felt so dirty, so disgraced.
To teach her a lesson I ate her whole
She tasted terrible, like a cigarette bowl. 
Feeling very ill, I needed to rest
So I went into the old bird’s nest.  
Made myself comfy, wore the old bat's dress  
Why laugh? It's my sexual preference.
So anyway back to what I was saying
I didn't really plan on staying, 
I only wanted to give a scare
And make the family more aware  
But the bed was so comfy I fell asleep
Next thing I know my life's in a heap.
My arm is bleeding on the floor
The psycho bitch between me and the door
She snuck up on me when I was sleeping
And proceeded to give me a bloody beating,
Ripped off my arm with her sharp little claws
And gave a bull story to the officers of the law,
With the evidence stacked against me  
I decided to let grandma free.  
So the stories of my death are untrue
And the consequences of that rumour I still rue,
By the time I was out of hospital my woods were gone
Some developer had come along
Put a mall where my daisies used to thrive
And a smelly highway on which you humans drive
All my friends had lost their homes
To sparkling commercial domes.
So yes, I know that bitch Red Riding Hood  
She managed to stuff my life up real good,  
Destroyed a healthy community,
Gave wolves a reputation of lunacy,
Caused me a whole three weeks in traction  
No, I don't like her, not a fraction 
She fuckin cost me all my land  
And is the reason I'm drinking with my left hand.

**** Hi, This is a fun exercise Eck forwarded to me. Details below...
enjoy!
Q
"Fable, nursery rhyme one.  Take any 
fable, urban legend, fairy story or nursery rhyme, old or new, and turn it into
a poem, rhymed or unrhymed."