Therapy Sessions

Have you ever found life to be so mundane,
That it feels like you're slowly going insane.
You're so numb to the pain where even torture feels like it's humane.
I've spent some time to reflect and will attempt to dissect what I'm going through with therapy sessions to try and find a remedy.
This is a testimony of the legacy I would like to leave behind.

Therapy Session 1

I want to write something that defies time and space to the point where my body becomes displaced from this earthly invention.
I want to create a story so sublime that it would exceed comprehension.  
My intention is for the ascension of the human subconscious, 
So that even in the darkest days you would find solace.
I made a promise that I would never stop perfecting my craft, even on the days where I questioned whether it would be my last. 
I trained every day, including those where I lacked the motivation.  
I did it unabashed, and surpassed my own expectations.  
Despite the limitations in my brain, they would always say, "no pain, no gain," and I would never be the same. 
How could it be that someone like me without a corpus callosum, could blossom into a fine young man and make his dreams a reality.
How could someone with a defect have such a significant effect on people,
How could I remain so gleeful?

Most of my life, I felt neglected and rejected, 
Even though those musings weren't correct, 
They were to be expected until the day I became accepted.
They never really understood the methods behind what I wrote.  
In reality poetry became therapy sessions that helped me cope.  
As I began to slide down the slippery slope of depression, I reached out for a rope but life severed the connection.
So I responded with aggression.
I'm sorry what was the question?
Would you mind if I made a confession?
Or should I make a concession, if only just for your protection. 
If I sit in this chair, are you prepared for the things you might hear? 
Just as long as you're aware, I want to be clear.
You're still here?
I'm glad that you choose to persevere.  
I promise what I'm about to say isn't too severe.

It is my pleasure, to provide you with a poem to read at your leisure.  
I could do this forever, but I'm under no pressure, however, I hope we make it to forever together.  Will they find my successor? 
Never.
It's written in the ledger.
Would you like a refresher?

As I sit here and conduct this session with you, I hope you're all ears.  
Let's switch gears.  
Let me tell you my fears.  
Let me explain in detail why someone like me cannot fail in his daily struggles, all the troubles I've been through, yet somehow I still escape from the rubble when everything comes crashing down.  
When you think you'll drown, they'll bury you six feet into the ground, and nobody will surround your gravestone, you'll be forever alone with no companions around.  
I'm afraid of the great unknown, but if I postpone learning all the things I could've known, then I'll never make it home, I just wish sometimes life would throw me a bone.  
Yes, I know, one day I'll have to atone for everything when I meet the heavenly father at the altar.
He'll say, "shalom," and either condone or disown me to an eternity of brimstone.  
I'm afraid I'll never become who I'm destined to be.  I'm afraid of becoming somebody other than me.
I've always prided myself on being authentic, with a magnetic personality.  
But what if someday I become a prosthetic, with no sense of individuality?
What if one day I wake up and rebel against the creator.  
Asking the curator, if I was meant for something greater or will my life's work be seen as failure?
What if one day the creative juices stop flowing through my head.  
One day I'll pick up the pen that's out of lead and I'll never get to write the words I could've said.

Did you write all of that down in your notes? 
Let me know if you need any more quotes that help you diagnose my condition, but I hope you know I'm not paying you commission.  
I have a mission for this composition I'm creating to be the greatest story ever written.  
That's why I've embarked on this literary expedition, just think of this as my audition.  
If I'm going on this quest, I require the right nutrition, and maybe a pint if I need to release my inhibitions.  
This is simply an exhibition.  

Therapy Session 2

This is our second session,
This time we're going to discuss any emotions you want to express. 
It would be for the best, to not suppress what you're feeling, if you want to get off of your chest, 
Then I suggest you use this time to release your energy and breathe.

Are you ready?

Yes.
The juxtaposition to my position in this chair,
Is that I know that sometimes life just isn't fair.
I recently went back home, just last week, 
I saw my family and friends, it caused my mental health to pique. 
You see, for the last few years, 
My mind has been at war with itself.
It felt as if I was a shell of my former self.
Every day, I questioned if I would see tomorrow,
Drowning in my own sorrows,
Asking for an IOU if they had some time I could borrow.
On the surface, I showed quite the bravado,
But underneath the exterior the message was incommunicado.
Yeah, sometimes I felt like a desperado,
I tried to be a leader but nobody would follow.

I see.  So, you went back home, what was it, for the first time in four years, you said? Do you have any regrets?

I regret not going back sooner.  
But covid happened, and we couldn't see the future.
In 2022, my Nan died of cancer,
I just wish that I could've said goodbye,
But in my eyes, in my last memory of her she was happy and living life, 
And perhaps with that reason I can be satisfied. 
I think about my county with pride,
If my goal is to move back home then it's about time I tried.
I'll start putting money aside,
Hoping that she'll look down from the sky as a light shining to guide me back to the place I call home, you know?

They say you know when it's time to come home.
So that's what I must do to claim my throne.
I took my time to hone my skills,
But even chasing thrills, I was never fulfilled.
There comes a time when you feel like you've reached your peak,
When it seemed that you're going downhill and the thought of it makes you bleak.
You know what you seek,
You know what needs to happen for you to renew your passion for living,
All this time you spent reminiscing, 
You could be writing the next chapter of your new beginning.

Have you told anybody about your ideas?

Truthfully, 
I just want the opportunity to show the world that even a man without part of his brain can tell a story so beautifully. 
But I worry that my art will come under scrutiny, when all I want is to promote unity.
I think this story will be epic in many ways,
I hope it will leave people amazed and shower it with praise,
To the point where they're throwing bouquets on stage. 
This story will have so many layers,
Because it's not just a story it's the answer to my prayers.
This will be the greatest poem that you will ever read,
It's part of my creed,
If I don't succeed, then I'll concede that perhaps I was wrong about my talent for writing,
But I'll still go down fighting.

If you believe, you can achieve,
And believe me, I have so many tricks up my sleeve.
How I intricately weave my musings for some reprieve as my mind is constantly racing,
It's hard to keep up sometimes, I mean it's kind of amazing. 

So all those dreams you've been chasing, will they come to fruition?

Let me just say that this has become an addiction,
My head and my heart are at a war of attrition,
With cellular subdivisions becoming allies as I commence with this composition.

I must say that I love your gumption,
But do you ever worry that your systems will malfunction or one day you're headed for self destruction?

Listen, the future is constantly under construction. 
What we do right now is under the presumption that we will even have a future to create,
We live life with compulsion because we don't know what awaits us on an undisclosed date.

Ever since I started, people say that I'm crazy,
But they don't see that my mind finally has clarity. 
Going home helped me awaken to my full potential, 
I'd tell you more but you must promise to keep it confidential. 

Therapy Session 3.

Welcome back, this is our 3rd time meeting.
Before proceeding, do you mind telling me if you think you're healing?

These sessions are like acupuncture,
Every word is a needle penetrating my soul,
I've spent my nights in meditation,
Having a conversation with my innermost thoughts as my body enters cruise control into another dimension,
Under the protection of the God particle,
The tranquility is remarkable. 

I'm happy to hear that you are healing.
Would you like to share anything else you are feeling?

Living life is like if every day a class five hurricane follows you around,
Then an F5 tornado touches down and wreaks havoc around town,
Causing a tidal wave to ripple,
While a supernova makes the skin sizzle. 
It's as if our minds create an apocalypse, 
Through an oculus rift,
Trying to make realities shift, into a world that doesn't exist.

Are you comfortable with the person you are becoming thanks to our sessions?

I'm starting to notice a change definitely.
My mentality has gotten better, but at times I relapse.
Cut me some slack,
Some days I push myself to the point where I'm about to collapse,
Because my brain doesn't know how to relax.
I take melatonin to help me sleep,
But instead of counting sheep, I listen to my heartbeat.
As the muscles contract to about eighty beats per minute,
I feel the vibrations in my spirit,
If you listen closely you can hear it.
I fully embraced that I'm on a different level,
So instead of coasting, it's about time I put the pedal to the metal.
I have all this energy boiling up inside like a kettle,
After all this time I'm wondering why did I ever settle?

Someone once said, "Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

So what if I fail.
As I walk down this new path and engrave my name on the pavement,
To make a statement that maybe I should be blatant instead of a man complacent in being complaisant.
That was merely an ailment;
A symptom of being a victim of the system,
I'm just searching for wisdom while attempting to build my kingdom. 

Now before our time expires, 
I have a little space left on this notepad, is there anything you want to add?

What if I wasn't truly okay?
What if I putting on a charade,
You know, what if this was all just a facade;
A coping mechanism because I feel lost and alone,
Five thousand miles away from home.
I feel like I'm refreshed,
But what if my brain is lying?
Am I just denying it because I'm still depressed because I don't want to address that I'm no longer happy?

I understand.  
Thank you for sharing. 

Therapy Session 4

They say if you can't stand the heat, then get out of the kitchen,
Sometimes you need to be scorched by the flame before you can light the ignition.
I've spent my whole life waiting for my turn.
There's only so long that a fire can burn, 
Before it fades into the ash resting in an urn, and that ash becomes dust;
Then the urn starts to rust and the steel combusts.
Until the dust settles and becomes one with the Earth, 
Then I'll rise like a Phoenix with a sense of rebirth,
Spreading my wings ready to discover my worth.
My body charred, with scars telling the story of how I came to love my life in all of its glory.

I see.  So to clarify, do you feel as if like your fire is slowly fading?

I think it's more that I've been masquerading behind a mask of deception.
Nobody wants to admit when their life lacks direction,
We make deflections, act with transgressions, when all we really want is some redemption. 
It's not a cry for attention, it's a cry to cry.
I used to cry myself to sleep,
My bed became a canoe floating on a river so deep.
I used to shred waves through each teardrop,
Not knowing when they would stop.
Maybe one day I can take this mask off and you'll all see me for who I truly am.

Do you ever think you'll remove your mask?

One day, when I'm not vulnerable, 
When I'm finally comfortable with the man in the mirror,
But at least for now I can say that everything is clearer.

Here's what I want you to do. 
I'd like you to keep a journal, then before each session, we can circle back.
You don't have to get too personal, it's just for you to keep track of your progress, and any other things that you want to address.
You could even write about our sessions, I know it is your coping method. 
You never know it might help you find peace when it feels like your world is crumbling to pieces,
I'll be sure to address any motifs,
Just continue to follow your dreams,
Don't forget to breathe and release any negativity,
You have so many possibilities, 
I just need you to see your own abilities.
Listen kid, everyone has a destiny;
If it's meant to be that you go back to Norwich, then you mustn't ignore this.
If it's your wish then the only one who can make it come true is you,
So it looks like you finally have a goal to pursue.
And with that, we conclude therapy session number four.
You've poured your heart into them each time and we've reached the core of your moments of distress,
I'll be right here at your behest, just make a request with my assistant,
Just stay persistent and know that success isn't instant - That doesn't mean it's nonexistent. 
You've done so many great things, this poem for example,
If you can do this, then you can handle any obstacles in your path,
So go on and have the last laugh, 
I'll be here to support you in the aftermath.

Journal Entry 1

The day is Saturday, the 20th of April, 2024.
I'm writing this to tell you that as of yesterday, 
I finally feel like things are going my way.
It's like my life found a reset button and pressed it,
This is what happens when you never quit on yourself,
You show grit even when your mental health is shattered,
Just keep pushing and know much your life matters.
Yeah you're going to be battered, 
You're going to be bruised,
It's okay to be confused, 
Trust me, I was, too.
I went for a walk,
Had a talk with someone about what I'm going through,
Then came home and wrote it in my journal for you.
Perhaps someone will read it and have their own breakthrough.