A Priceless Gift

In the end, you think about where it all began, So here's a little story about me from the start it's gonna be deep, straight from the heart.... WhenI was growing up, I had such low self-worth I felt as thoughI didn't belong on this earth A self-image i could easily diminsh... A statement i feel I can't make any clearer, I hated myself and whoI saw looking back in the mirror. I wasn't born this way, but with the absenceof guidance and instruction, I conditioned myself to sabotage and self-destruction. Day after day, I hoped someone would pick me up and show me a better way, But the help never came, so there I lay continuing to play life as a game. I didn't know any better, I thought the whole world was just gonna come to me. IfI knew then what i know now, boy wouldI have played my hand differently.. Sooner rather then later, the world I'd created became more and more contaminated, as my actions became more outlandish and more and more animated. When your nominated to obey fiction and addiction, your whole well-being will be dominated. Forever it seemed likeI was lost inside, "I know something and Im no good" constantly racing through my mind, arrogant and insecure all at the same time, but myself I could not find... Feeling alone, I opted to be self-reliant, so almost instictivley I became defiant. Thinking that the world was always against me, Advice had to be force-fed through my ears, into me head, because without a doubt, spiritually I was Dead... The moral commandmentsI hung on my wall for so long were frozen, Only to be thawed out and used again from the warmth of a higher power finally choosen... And to my surprise a passably cure for my infection... GOD, aka Good Orderly Direction. He told me to put my ego away and on the shelf, and to practice rigorous honesty when taking alook at myself. Blaming everyone else for all my problems was always the key, until I unlocked the door, looked inside, and saw that the problem was really me. ThenI took a look at my additude, and it was pretty obvious, I could use alot more gratitude. With a basic blueprint of recovery right in front of me, I could see, it's about changing not re-arranging insanity. If i can combind the right state of mind, everything will be just fine. And i can live a sober life with time. Im sick and tired of making the same mistakes and finding out how to do things the hard way. Today and I'm taking suggestions, keeping it simple, and just living in the day. Today I am walking with my head held up high facing the world, not facing down towards the floor Today I am a man who is a lot more assertive, someone you can trust and be alot more sure of. Today I don't need to use other people for my own gain, cause I've let go of the past, the guilt and the shame. I've taken away the frustration and the anger, and replaced the feelings by giving back to my family, friends and even a stranger. I also figured out a way to deal with reality with a tool called cooping, the way you use it is by staying honest and by being open. Somebody asked me why I don't write about the good things in my life, and I told her I couldn't see any of them cause inside there was no light. But that wasn't true, that was just me being me being sarcastic right on cue. One thing is for sure, I'm not perfect and I'm definitely not cured. I'm a work in progress playing tiral and error hoping for hapiness What I've been given today has no price tag and is not for sale, It's a gift from God knowing who I am even to the smallest detail. Today I am grateful for not having to use drugs or alcoholand for not feeling lifeless, Today I am grateful, Because being able to find myself and to not have to say I'm sorry for who I really am... It's Priceless