Abandment issues

Loneliness and sadness engulf me I see nothing but pain in people's faces not knowing what to say so pity comes at a rapid rate and those that don't Pity Me fear me because my past is full of Silence anger drugs alcohol so I understand it yet the waves of happiness crash into the waves of despair and this is not something they teach you to deal with so you allow your mind 2 try to fill in the gaps but you never really know what someone else feels unless they tell you my heart begs and pleads and cries for people's honesty towards me I don't want pity and I definitely don't want fear I'm not capable hurting people violently my mouth on the other hand I've gotten under control but it used to be like a Viper and anyone who it's touched in that manner I like waves crashing into another I can't stop the feelings of other people my personal waves are happiness crashing into despair and abandonment