Alone

I wrote this when I was hospitalized for my severe depression. A drop of water falls, No sounds, Silence forever Just like their souls, They’re blackened out and stripped From the sympathy They are black, A range of colors, Their hearts shrink, Just like time. Every time they love, They hide their love Fearing that they will get Torn Broken Hurt Fearing that pain But I love that pain Is this why they hate me? Is this why I hate them? Answers that God himself does not know Remember, When I’m gone, That every tear I’ve cried Every cut that bleed Every piece of my heart that broke I felt pain Pain that cured Pain that relieved Pain that saved me From my darkest thoughts Preventing me from doing the darkest deeds For I was numb in thinking, But not feeling, Numb in distinguishing reality and another world A world where I could show my scars And feel pride Knowing ever scar Mentally, physically, and emotionally Pain made them. Not people Not God. Not me. Pain. And for that, Pain is my friend. My only friend. Pain is loyal, Pain is faithful, Pain is healing, Inside and out, Inside my, Heart, Brain, Soul, I am alone. X-ed out from the rest Stamped a number, Tagged a code, Burned a symbol I am different I am unqiue I am special Forever, I will remember these days I wanted to die I wanted to scream I wanted to kill And people meant nothing. Cause they’ll never understand, Our sorrow is too deep Too harsh Too rough Too painful For them to feel For if they felt it, They’d be senseless Cause it’d block their minds And send them into dark holes For all their smiles and giggles, Would fade And glaring eyes with tears would prevail. Just like evil. Has the devil taken over me? Is Jesus in me anymore? Jesus is flawless. I am an imperfection, A blemish, A mark, On society, The city that God created. Wipe them away, The tears, The blood, The loneliness, Help me not feel this much, Sorrow Sadness Anger And make me not feel so Lost Scarred Rejected, and Alone.