Amazimu

11-01-2004 Amazimu Amazimu is an African name meaning 'cannibal', 'ogre' or 'monster'. (pr: aah-mah-zee-moo) so i came back here back to this place this place that cuts at the legs as you crawl blind in the dark i came back here to look for him amazimu to stand straight before him look him in his yellow eye and shake my fist at him and say "you did not win" "you cannot scare me" "i am here. i am alive" but he was not here the days make months make years and it has all since passed the river that runs has washed the blood clean i stand here now memories passing through me like ghosts strangers from another time their teeth can no longer bite it is here that that i realised that he never was here amazimu he was in me and i ran to escape but carried him still like an unborn child kept safe in the womb and all the smiles and kisses that had fed me had fed him too and as strong as i became so did he too the time then it came that i could no longer carry him amazimu the pains became tighter my gut swolen with shame and i could not go on but there was no push and there came no cut no it was harder than that harder than pushing the sun on its thick blue path up to the sky so hard to say "i am sorry" to no-one other than to myself but i did and it was just like that that he was gone so much space in my belly to put lots of nicer things so i will say to you as i stand in the place i can no longer remember wondering why it was that i came that the time will make your eyes weak it will paint your hair white with grey and will write many lines on your skin but the time it will also fade the colour of your hurt in the smiles of the sun should you chose to face him amazimu he that is in you