An Unravelling Mind

(((Okay, here's the 411 on this poem: This is the first poem, unedited, I ever wrote. Just like the others, it was created to perform. Here's the kicker, It wasn't made for me, it was made for a character in one of my screenplays. The feelings in this poem don't ALL reflect mine. I hope you enjoy reading this, as much as I enjoyed writing it.))) I'll wake up here someday soon. And when I do, I'll watch the sunshine move right through me. And I'll walk outside and watch the people strolling by Laughing, talking, Playing, walking. It'll be the first day of what I know. What I realize. Though, there won't be music playing, Even if the birds are singing. No, it's not my happy ending, But it's a damn good start. And I'll walk down that street like it's the only one I know, Because it is. And I'll watch those people as I float by, Just off the ground I'll watch them like a television, Because it's my new world now. My little sandbox. And I'll wake up here someday soon, and when I do, I'll be pondering in my room, Because I have this thinking problem. You see, there's this motorous mind of mine, It lost control on the highway between content and frustration. It's a wrong turn after reality, Caught up on the U turn of what might happen. But that's not your problem. It's none of your concern. And I don't want to make it your business, 'cause It's no big beef. This is just what I am. This is just who I've become that day. That day I finally woke up. That day that I found you lying next to me. And I watched you sleep. You were a statue of love in my empty room. That's when I thought: I'll Wake up here someday soon. And when I do, I'll have something here for you. There'll be a little card and roses on my table, Sitting there, waiting for you to greet them. And it wont be Valintines. It'll just be Tuesday. That's all, just Tuesday. But to me, it won't just be Tuesday. It'll be bigger than that, More important than that..... like Wednesday. Because of you. You're important to me. I just wanted to show you I cared, But you werent there. I'm sure you're sitting in a car somewhere. You stare leaves you, And you find yourself watching dust travel down each side of the road, Just as your mind is drifting off. I think you're thinking of me, but I know you aren't. Then again, I can never be sure. I don't know where you are, I just know that you're out there. I guess you're probably lounging at a local Coffee shop, Sitting somewhere under the dim light on the cement chataeu they built for you. Fluttering words of past days escape your mind, Landing on nearby ears. Those ears. They hang on every statement like it's their last chance to connect with something. With someone. I don't know who you are, And I don't care, I just know you're out there somewhere. And just to know that you're out there, is good enough for me. I'll wake up here someday soon. And when I do, The sunshine won't be streaming through me anymore, I'll be back in my room. And my little table will be empty without you. The card is dusted, and the roses wilted. But I hope this poetry flows through me and touches you. And when it touches you, I hope you feel it. And I hope when you feel it, you embrace it. After all, I adore you. And these days are daunting without you Because what is and what would be, What could be, Isn't good enough for me. Because this place is filled with ghosts of what hasn't happened yet. I'll watch them float by, And I'll notice how familiar that feels. The days will start getting shorter, Along with the weeks. And then I realize, That there's this turning, this turning in my head. I feel it go round and round, But I'm shining. That turning. That turning in my head, It lifts me into the air. I am a hub of light without filter. I become a beacon, but no longer of what's to come, or what might be, Just what is. And I realize, I see, These constricting ribbons surround me. They become what is left of me and my unravelling mind. And they spin me as I lift. The light intensifies, the ribbons flow without mercy. Then they fall, and I descend with them. My pillow becomes the clouds I felt so vividly, And I feel this lucidity around me. And I realize, I've woken up, finally, I've woken up for the first time.