At the Bottom Staring Up

I wish my hands were compelled to write of joy, If only the corners of my mouth knew more of my eyes and less of my chin. So many with no means nor medium to write of their emptiness and solitude. Ungratefulness courses through me. I wish I could visit with my friends again, I miss so much the days of summers past where life had no meaning. Meaning hadn’t developed yet, quite acceptable, Beyond foolish to believe it acceptable still. I feel like days are slipping away from me, Days slide to weeks, weeks forming months. Suddenly years melt and evaporate, but where was I? Time can manifest as many things, but a boomerang it will never be. I think I’m ready to go home now, Things were always so simple there. A time before I failed. Going home won’t fix this, failure will surely follow, My reflection cheerless and soiled, a shadow refusing my presence. Sometimes my mood shifts and I’m certain of a brighter day, The world will find a way to make things right by me. Still the absent ringing phone, --page refresh-- no e-mails requesting my presence. Calculated contemplation; Why certainly it's Sunday, the stoic phone now explained. Tomorrow brings new hope. Monday comes, the phone lies motionless, broken without doubt. Thoughtlessly I think; today is for sorting out affairs of the weekend past. Tuesday, now that’s a day for phone calls. Laying out my suit in preparation, this tie matches nicely. Must insure a strong signal and the ringer tuned to maximum disruption. It’s after 7pm now, perhaps a late day at the office, Still they may call tonight, I clear my throat. Hoping they don’t call, I'm sure they would recognize I've been crying. Can you hear me now? Relieved I never heard from them, No doubts I would have detested working there. They could have sent me an e-mail to inform. I would have stopped glaring at my phone days ago. There was a time I wished I could fly; I’ve never taken flight. Eyes closed I cling to my guitar, ten thousand lighters fill my soul; no one hears my voice. A champion for the ages, undisputed to be the best; my trophy case lays empty. I always wished I could be invisible; if only I had known…..