Barmy Life of '84

I wrote this when I was 24. Not worth rating but I hope it brings a few smiles! Brackets are just to clarify. Everybody's playing games and they all seem to win; I think and scheme and ponder and plan but still I am the also ran. If you like a fella, the idea is to say nothing and to refuse if the chance ever comes your way. If your mum likes your fella and you cannot say the same, you'd be wise to please your mum, or you're up a gum tree again! Eleanor gives good advice, she's no-one's ruddy fool, She works it all out in her brain and keeps it all so cool. Seems like I've got no sense at all, she said, Wise up, you nut!" With her around, I'll never be down. I won't get in a rut. Beryl's got no fags and Vincent's got no marbles, (various neighbours) Shelagh's got a long nose and my house is a shambles! Mrs. G. is a silly old sod, who takes 20 minutes to say one word (council official) She drives us all around the bend and makes the whole thing seem absurd! Derek's got a stutter, Jackies got a baby, Judy's getting out of here and I'll be following quickly. Prior is a boss of mine, he is very unusual, He looks at me with his glass eye and I wonder if he's real! My mum is cracking up I think; the dog has come on heat, I havn't time to wipe my arse, let alone make ends meet. The garden's 7 feet tall and there's 23 flies in here, last count, The dogs have ripped the bins up and I can't clean up, 'coz I'm always out. Humphrie's got the hiccups, (car,) and Eric has been nicked,(bike,) Next door's fence is falling down and the cat has just been kicked. The carpet's 2 feet deep in hairs, the fridge is getting warm, Ella's off to bed now, as she has started to yawn. David is a raver, (another boss,) but he will come a cropper, he tells alot of naughty fibs, Oh! Lookout! There's a copper! (policeman I later married in '86) I drive to work and back but have not passed my test and if the car conks out, I know I'll need the bloody rest. My dining chairs are dangerous, the fire, it is broken. The telly license isn't paid, or was it just mislaid? Whitchurch, here I come, please take me away from this lot, (local loony bin,) The cooker bill is overdue and that's not all I've got. The electric meter's bulging and we cannot leave the house, 'coz my lovely friendly neighbours will come in and take the meter out! (pun there somewhere) The shed's disintergrating, theres woodworm in the hall, There's dry rot in the sideboard and a plant in the kitchen wall. (yes, inside) Bridget's toys have all gone missing, so's Johanna's brain, (mum's dog and my kid) and I'm supposed to be doing well! How does one stay sane? Ahhh but they were the days. (?) (sponsored by united distilleries ltd) Every word was true!