Chronicles from the Back Page (Re-submitted)

(This piece, posted earlier on the website was inadvertently deleted - sincere apologies to those who commented before.) News Online, not all doom and gloom… For levity, back page...always room! A few random tales, from near and far; A little offbeat, or outright bizarre! Ageing rocker, if you please, Ozzie Osbourne talks to knees! Two little faces, on his kneecaps... To chat to when lonely, perhaps!* Parliamentary mouth, wide open, agape, MP asleep, caught on videotape! Station banned, having broken a rule, And snorer shown up as a bit of a fool!** Oh! no...heavens, good grief! A 'varsity on Tenerife... Lessons offered (cash reduction?) The subtle art of seduction!*** Quest for perfect toilet paper, Eighteen years, took that caper! Why?...a subject one avoids... Diplomatic haemorrhoids!**** News items from the Back Page, News 24 * Rocker Ozzy Osbourne has two smiley face tattoos etched on his knees so he can talk to them when he's lonely. ** A TV network has been banned from New Zealand's parliament for showing footage of a sleeping MP. *** A university on the Spanish island of Tenerife will stage a workshop on how to seduce potential sexual partners. ****Britain's civil service embarked on an 18-year quest for the perfect toilet paper a after a doctor voiced concern about a diplomat's haemorrhoids, according to a government file made public...