close your eyes

Close your eyes do close them tight Let my words be blurs of light Breathe real deep so that they seep Into your heart tonight Like a gentle stream let flow Each and every beam that glows In your blood will flood the love In me that you do know forget to feel become real numb then let heal my words that run let them sway let them play in the sun let them fade for when they reach the heart they seek bright shall be your day *********************************************************** Close your eyes , and close them tight Let my words be blurs of light Breathe real deep so that they seep Into your heart tonight Like a gentle stream let flow Each and every beam that glows In your blood the love will flood In me that you do know forget to feel become real numb then let heal my words that run let them sway let them play and fade into the sun close your eyes, and close them tight i'll kiss your lips just from day to night taste the wonder sweet like summer burning bold and bright close your eyes keep them closed may my words be wonder and on your lips a kiss you know sweeter than the summer ****************************************************************** i have revised the original poem above is how i wrote it as it just poured out though kind of erratic in structure each stanza in and of itself has a rhyme scheme that flows just right and the use of assonance allows the reader to follow the rhymes along from syllable to syllable. now mark, i do appreciate your thoughts so i revised it and kept it in a a consistent structure which is aaba. i like this as well, very much the same poem without losing much. i do disagree mark with the off rhyme usage and abuse of rhyme you might notice... wonder and summer do rhyme. the rhyme is a syllabic rhyme style that doesnt emphasize the rhyming of wors (letters) but phoneticlly emphasizes the sounds of the syllables with in the word. basically that is what a slant rhyme is and thus sound SUM with its UH sound rhymes with WON with its UH sound..and of course the ER sounds rhyme with each other and together each word rhymes not just in one syllable of each word but all four syllables rhyme in what i call a complex rhyme. whereas FLOOD and LOVE rhyme in the syllables UH sound but these words are of one syllable each this is not a complex rhyme as it doesnt rhyme 4 syllables from two words. Its not really even assonance as much as consonance in that the vowels sounds do rhyme but also the flo DUH loVUH rhymes in the phonetic sense that UH ends with a similiar H...same with suM mer and woN der rhyme the UH sounding vowels but also the blunt MM and NN that ends the syllable rhymes..... i have never concentrated on how my rhymes are formed and never contrived them or set out to learn this method, it is natural. i have employed in my writings of various poems a basic concept to have them rhyme phonetically. so when spoken aloud the listener (not reader) doesnt see the letters but hears the sound... and when we speak and listen to the words SUMMER and WONDER the ear really picks up the UH sound and the MM and NN sound.....it really is to the ear a sound that comes out fast and matches. eyes can be so analytical and scanning that they can focus on mismatched latters and skip over the sounds.... i really write a line after i say it in my mind so i suppose my poetry is meant to be spoken but mark, you make great points and are very astute. i just want readers to know that rhyming isnt just about the last sound of the last syllable of the lines, that as you write the syllables within a line can have a meter that rhymes within itself and on a certain count...just as a stanza can have a rhyme scheme like aabb or abab, aaba....so can the line itself example: Let my words be blurs of light ( 7 syllables abcdcef) forget to feel become real numb ( 8 syllables abcdefdf) basically that is what consonance and assonance is about there is a point to it that it really turns individual lines in stanzas themselves composed not of lines but syllable patterns so that when the reader reads along every so often he is reminded of a similar sound that rhymes keeping him/her engaged while if a line has say 8 syllables and only the last syllable of the line rhymes with the last syllable of the next line like abcdefgH / ijklmnoH....that is good but the reader and listener has alot of different syllble sounds and letters to go thru before he is reminded of the rhyme...the reader/listener may become disengaged or anxious .... i am not saying one way is better than the other but if you choose a style that rhymes the last syllables only you better have a consistent meter within the lines to keep the flow.... metered rhyme is pretty much the norm in rhyming poetry or is common in english to write in accentual verse for it is a stress timed language, thus the number of feet per line is key disregard of the number of syllables. syllabic verse is when it is the number of syllables in a line that matter and is common in languages that are not so much stress timed but syllable timed such as Latin, Japanese, Finnish and Spanish and French. in these languages syllables are not long or short. the are rather monsyllabic natures. modernists like marianne moore and dylan thomas experimented with this rather old style. and then accentual-syllabic verse is the hybrid form of syllable count mattering along with a defined meter in the line. poets like chaucer employed this and coleridge , emerson, auden, hopkins. i want readers opinion on which is better or at least which you prefer in the above peoms i wrote/revised