Crash - A Villanelle (Critique requested)

Here is another attempt at a Villanelle. I'm looking for honest and to-the-pointcriticism as there is a competition coming up and i'd like to do something decent in the Villanelle form to enter it. CRASH Sirens grow louder with each heartbeat Hot steam from the engine of our car Our brother’s blood, cold on the concrete Gentle breeze brushes dust past our feet The hot sun brings a fragrance of tar Sirens grow louder with each heartbeat Staring eyes in the traffic’s slow street Scanning for death and hopeful they are Our brother’s blood, cold on the concrete White-shocked, tinnitus, still and discreet Unrecognised by minds registrar Sirens grow louder with each heartbeat Calmness engulfs us, lucid and sweet Without heroes, without CPR Our brother’s blood, cold on the concrete We’ve altered our souls here in this heat On our hearts there now sits a deep scar Sirens grow louder with each heartbeat Our brother’s blood, cold on the concrete