Cuatro Cienigas, Coahuila, Mexico

Kubler Ross- I am well aquainted with her stages of grief... So how is it that now, I wish myself immune, exempt? When truthfully, I wallow between bargaining and sadness, denial strong, I have yet to find acceptance. Instead, I hatched an idea- a fantastical plan- a retreat into nature, surrounded by beauty ( - an escape, really...) and I hoped that this getaway, my much- deserved vacation could do more than postpone reality... though yes, it is true this place is called " pueblo magico" " maravilloso" with its jewel- toned waters, white dunes- it is magical and wonderous- a lost Eden, a desert oasis. And thankfully, for 5 short days, I was free of pain- just another " tourist" looming issues where kept at bay... Things like diet and nutrition were forgotton- to heck with vitamins, cholesterol, and calories as I ate buttered tortillas hot off the comal, too many burritos, and breakfasted on homemade salsas, ham and eggs... politics too, were tossed aside- the seperations by bridges and a river as I reconnected with those whom I love, the land that I love- things both necessary and long overdue... April 14th- and I am home, already immeresed in terminologies- laminectomy, myelopathy, already dreading a future of- Klonopin and Tramadol Gabapentin, Morphine Fentanyl, even. But I am stubborn, proud and plan for next year, to run with goats, swim among terrapins and dance as dustdevils zoom past... already, the memories seem surreal, already my sunburn is fading as I wonder, a year from now will I be awakened by roosters or by beeping machines? Will mountains once again surround me, or just 4 walls? and most of all, will I build new memories or my only ones be these few souvenirs? A straw sombrero, 52 photographs, a small ceramic plate with a turtle, hand- painted its lettering: " Cuatro Cienigas, Coahuila."