Don't you know you're drowning, sweetheart 2

(Posted the original on xenith, and they gave great advice, and told me to do a rewrite. So I did. Please take a look at the original and tell me which you like better. Any paticular lines you liked in the other that are missing here? Does it need another stanza?) I watch you step closer to the indigo lake, hush of each bare foot on the mossy ground. Open your eyes, darling, are you awake? Blue water lapps at the hem of your laced gown. You steal below the mirrored surface ahead. I feel the water drumming at your ears, going down. But this is precisely what you wanted, isn't it? Don't you know you're drowning, sweetheart? You're addicted to pain, but you won't admit it. I dig my feet into frozen soil, grasping for air. I dive into the core of the lake and reach for your hand. Reach back, love, I can't leave you there. Don't you know you can't die, sweetheart?