Ever-ready

Self-doubt in my shadows, Rain or shine, it constantly follows... A walking mirror of me, all my mistakes i can see... Not knowing i put my heart out to be crushed, only to realize later, that i like the rush.... I see with my heart, showing no restraint, i can not wait, I dive head first into the soul, 12 feet deep in a 9 foot hole... Warning Label Reads: MY LOVE IS DEADLY IF CONSUMED IN LARGE AMOUNTS, IT WILL EAT YOU UP FROM INSIDE-OUT. I see it clearly, its day to day and calender yearly... Opportunities are only seen once they have blown away, Ever-ready to recreate these missed moments, I go out trying to seize the day.. Always a destiny's miss, I find nothing but still want to stay... Habits arn't easy to break, and there's a devil whispering things in my ear, so controversy in my own head, is what i create... That's what he wants, He want's my dignity, then my loyalty,and the list keeps growing.. and these mistakes i keep showing... Why? Why can't I start my life and get going? Why do i waste my time going down dead ends knowing?