Forever in My Soul

I remember how I was feeling when you told me how you felt, I remember feeling lucky to hold the cards that I'd been dealt. I could barely contain myself; I was bursting at the seams, I couldn't believe that my new reality had stemmed from hopes and dreams. At the beginning when I was around you, I was too nervous to hold your hand, Just looking at you turned me into jelly; I could barely even stand. As time went on we relaxed with each other and had to maintain self-control, For we kept ourselves secret from the world and we couldn't tell a soul. Mostly it was difficult to be hidden all the time, But sometimes it was exciting to be your secret partner in crime. Under the armrest at the movies we would hold hands in the dark, I could talk to you for hours on the swings down at the park. I loved when your parents went to bed and you'd get up from the chair, To come lie with me on the couch where I'd bury my face in your hair. I loved the warmth we radiated when our bodies shaped together, Never have I been so extremely happy; I could lie with you forever. When I rested my head against your chest I felt your heart beat like a drum, And you'd put your arm around me and rub my skin beneath your thumb. But then one day when things felt weird I asked if your feelings had faded, And you replied that over time they had and our relationship was now jaded. I instantly felt paralyzed by sorrow, pain, and fear, But I somehow managed to form thoughts into words and ask if the end was near. You said you can't give me what I want and you'd never felt any love, It felt like the skies had darkened and lightning had struck me from above. You told me you simply convinced yourself you had any feelings at all, You forced yourself to believe the lies and felt backed up against a wall. Did our time together mean nothing? Is it all worthless to you? I just don't get how your feelings faded when mine just strengthened and grew. You assured I didn't do anything wrong and claimed "It's not you, it's me", You said that nothing had brought this about and it's just how it has to be. Losing you is literally like losing a piece of myself, But you so easily toss me aside and leave me upon the shelf. I feel so foolish for loving you and melting when you say my name, But even though I hate you I still love you all the same. My heart exploded when you said that you liked me on that wonderfully perfect day, And now that you don't, my heart's exploding in a very different way. At first every song reminded me of you and I wanted to sing them in the rain, But now every. song. reminds me of you and it's driving me insane. It feels like I will never stop crying; I need you in my life, I'm forever tortured by the loss of you and feel nothing but pain and strife. Did you know dried tears have a scent? Because apparently they do, So I carry around every single one that I have shed over you. Behind my fake smile plastered on my face I smell tears that I have cried, I walk around with a constant reminder of the pain I feel inside. All day long I wait for sleep to leave the life I live, My dreams put me where I want to be with the memories I have to give. The moments I now spend awake are moments I want to end, My life is simply a painful filler until I am unconscious again. Being alone with my thoughts at night, I struggle to survive, But I push through and wait it out for sleep will soon arrive. The saddest part of all of this is I am very well aware, That you don't deserve me because I'm too good for you; but I don't even care. Someone could worship the ground I walk on and praise my every move, But their love means absolutely nothing to me because they are not you. You never said nice things to me or showed me that I mattered, And on a weekly basis I felt emotionally bruised and battered. But although you're cold and distant I know just what you are worth, You're everything to me; my sun, my moon, my stars, my earth. Every thought is one of you; I'm losing all control, I miss you now, I'll miss you always; forever in my soul.