HELP!!!

Sittin' on my own surrounded by feelin's of inner parenoia feelin' stuck in the dark confines of a schizophrenic mind creativity choked with doubt my life source diminishin' with every thought can't even find words to think let alone write down or speak my soul spiralin'in a hopeless rut spirit seepin' out the cracks in my character flaws actin' all brass to camaflouge the lack of talent not good enough to feel confident about his own abilities rockin' back and forth worse than the oil price and fluctuatin' rand feels like i'm just just missin' the balance self perception shot up like insulin for diabatic sufferers all I see is a dark cloud with no silver linin' HELP! I wanna cry but there ain't no tears sing but all I hear is a sound simular to a crow crockin' in the darkness of a pessimistic mindset feelin' twice my weight loaded by negativity addin'extra pounds feelin' stuck unable to see the light cause there's no tunnel to pass through sometimes I wish the earth could just open up and swallow all the worlds inadequicies shown through my listless existance don't ask me why I can't explain right now my head just feels heavy in a daze and it ain't the AF cause it's plat feelin' like somethin' you would'nt want or be around believe me I don't enjoy feelin' so blue when I know I got all the answers inside but all I hear ringin' in my inner ear is you can't do it your destaned to fail I hate plastic HELP! Bark filled with doubt is obscurin' the minds eye don't have a lid to blink it out so I just crawl on bumpin' my head must have forgotten how it feels to stand on my feet Loser! body feelin' colder than a bat cave slowly whitherin' away from humanity questionin' unspiritually why I'm poor, why I'm black why's there sorrow, why's there hurt why's there alcohol, why's there drugs why does man suffer from uncontroleable lust all these questions just stoppin' short of questionin' the existance of GOD but at least I know his there listenin' or otherwize I'd surely be dead feels I got stuck with depressive super glue sometimes I feel I ain't worth the body Ive been blessed with wait what's that I hear sounds like suicide YES! NO! YES! NO! PLEASE Lord HELP! Fightin' with my conscience in a rebellion againts my heart YES! NO! YES! NO! rope or blade if life could be told in just a short answer this poem would definately be shorter everythin' would then be so simple there'd be no sufferin' and no pain instead it's got my muscles all tensed up sittin' hear chewin' off my nails shoulders droopin' like the hunchback from Bonteheuwel eyes bloodshot breath unnaturally smelly titterin' on the edge how long? how short? how sharp? how blunt? YES! NO! YES! NO! what's the result AHHHH! HELP! Now before you pull your face and frown at my immaturity or feel sorry with a tear in your eyes I'ma still take you deeper down a word of advice don't hold your breath won't help tried that but I could not pass out what more can I possibly say must be cause I was homeless and orphaned at 8 throught cancer and a 45 calibre magnum exposed to the harshness of this cold world if you lasted this long I feel like I must explain all this was brought about by havin' unprotected sex now I'm sittin' here in this consultation room waitin' on the dreaded result lettin' out all this damaged emotional baggage in order to handle what I'll have to deal with my pulse suddenly starts racin' as I hear my name called this is it I nervously enter the room the docter opens his mouth and my mind goes blank and just like that I come arround to eventually hear what his tryin' to say is this true I just can't believe it and we exitedly embrace I suddenly become light headed what a pleasant suprise my emotions has just pulled a 360 on me and my believe returns back straightens up I bend my knees and I thank the Lord exited and relaxed and my eyes feel moist through this testin' experience glad I wrote and got all that negative emotions out all I need was this final shove now it's on ready to take responsibility for my life open to receive all love and blessings YES!YES!YES! I'm free if you did not notice my result has just shown NON-REACTIVE...