I could not have known

I could not have known I could not have known during that hot Chicago summer When I was just a naïve college kid who knew Little about love of any kind How much I loved him, or how deeply he Touched my heart, such that my Longing to see him again Would grow year by year thereafter. We were a most unlikely pair: Billy was a Small, black, ghetto-poor, nearly-wordless child; I was a tall, white, a kid from a Name School. At the end of the Neighborhood Center Day-Camp Get-the-kids-out-of-the-ghetto-to-see-Chicago line of kids, Softened and safe thanks to the two-by-two Buddy System, We were buddies and walked hand-in-hand through the Old Jew-Town black ghetto streets to parks, museums, and beaches. Ignorant of the canyon between us, I unknowingly Bumped Billy off the edge of a cliff I never knew existed Into the chasm below. “Billy,” I asked as adults of my culture Always asked every child “Billy, whaddaya wanna be when You grow up?” I couldn't have known how far he would fall, or How hard he would hit when he landed. Billy's head dropped, his shoulders sagged, and His voice was soft as he Spoke to his toes. “Mommy says maybe she can get me a job in a store,” Thundered into my white-kid -Name-School college kid ears From the deep canyon wherein Billy lay, struggling with his hopelessness. I could not have known, so I did not know about That ghetto-poor hopelessness, which had already made of him An old man. I could not have known then, that half-century ago, White male Anglo-Saxon-Protestant Name-College Kid That I was, How much I loved him, and How deeply he had touched my heart. I think of Billy often, and I wonder If he remembers me, and Uniquely among the people I have known My longing to see him Grows with each passing year. Maybe if I go back to South Chicago's Jew-town Fifty years of history written in the blood of M.L. King and others have Changed the place. Maybe I'll see Billy there, and If I do I'll Put my arms around him and hug him, and Tell him how much I loved and love the boy, and How much I need the man. In loving memory of Billy met at Newberry Avenue Community Center Chicago 1961