I hate myself at times I love myself

Im bleedinganguish from the corner of my eyes my only means to release myself from this wretched life I feel I have beenpreordained to live a lie the agony throttles inside my head as I keepasking myself why Ikeep going backwards? when time just keeps moving forward? Whats wrong with me? why is it so hardfor meto believe? thatI am not the only one suffereing from this odious disease? when willI learn to love myself and learn to live without? when will my selfishness suffice my inner drought? I'm drying my tears soI can see past the obscure darkness into the clear Ihate myself at times,I love myself Ineed to sacrifice my own personal hell andliberate my soul from its haggard shell Ihate myself sometimes whenI begin to cry Ilove myself sometimes when im living a lie I'mashamed to admit that in the face of adversity, my courage takes flight no longer amI unabashed, I am not too proud to recede from a fight Iam the only one who can save me butI continue to delay me even during all of my suffering ijust can't seem to get it right soI sit up all night praying in the moonlight redirect my sight soI can see the cause of my plight Ican notfix what one does not want me to see Ican notseal a wound that does notbleed Ican nottame what breaks these chains It's all apart of this one thing In the darknessI now cling to whatever is left of my sanity tonight tonight my soul will fry tonight these demons will decide to have me or to let me die Ican notsleep tonight Ihate this way of life Ineed this way of life Ineed to feel this strife all things lead to white then turn toblack when everything is back, from the land of fantasy back to reality This hole in my soul is deepening Let me go Please let me leave here alive....... ......... Tonight......