I'm not the one

I had thought that she loved me, but her not mentioning me anywhere, her getting irritated and being aloof whenever I tried to talk to her, especially when people were around, convinced me that I was wasting my time. Still I never wanted to the feelings within me, I thought that my conscience was being affected by people's jealousy for me. And then our Church visited another branch of our Church and she acted like I was a rash, she never wanted to lay her almond eyes on my shapeless pair. And I thought maybe I wasn't beautiful or humane enough for her. I tried to talk to her and all she could do was ask her friend to escort her to the bus. She wasn't her girlfriend but her boyfriend. I had asked about him to my friends but not all were willing to tell me the truth. They hid behind flattery like jilted girls and advised me not to worry myself to death about nothing. But it was clear through their body languages that they were hiding things from me. Her mate would go to her house and she'd let him in but, whenever I knocked I was met with a scowling face asking me; what brings you here? She wasn't talking to me like a human should, not treating me like a woman would a man she truly loves. Though I felt unwanted I tried to convince people that things between her and I were alright, that it would take something tougher if not harder, like a hammer, a wrecking ball, to break us. Then I carried her photo with me to Church, trying to convince God to let us be, that things were fine between she and I, but, HE never listened because HE'S in heaven and we're on earth, because HE'S able to see things before they happen, HE knows our beginnings, our presents and our futures. I'm religious but I've found praying whenever I need favors from Almighty God than pray with an open mind and heart. I never thought that it would happen to me but, not only I'm a defiled child of God but I've become a Lucifer who puts HIM to the test by putting my self interest before all goodness that HE'S. Though my speech isn't rugged than Moses's I can't proudly stand before the crowds and convince them that I'm beyond reproach. I just live my life in God's mercy and I regard my life a nightmare never to be revisited ever again. I hope that a day would come when I'd be free from the devil's temptation and deceptions. I used to think that because I've laid my life on the cross, that I've confessed my sins and put them on HIS hands, that no soul could touch me but, I've since learned that the more I pray the more tests I get. Sometimes I don't know where or whom they're from but, I'm still living my life for God. And having said that, I no longer want to lay my heart on a platter for any being till I've got a word from Almighty that she had been cleansed and would be one with us. By us, I mean that she's fully committed to heaven and won't try any more tricks on I or Heavenly Father. I wish a young woman who never loved me the best, She's married with two kids but the devil still want to convince to try her. Little does he know that I'm not the one-- to break up other people's families.