Insomnia

(I don’t know if I can or can’t but this is a disclaimer to say that this poem does drop an F-bomb once for emotional significance, hopefully this warning is enough) Sitting in my drowning, dark room, I cannot sleep, it’s almost 2, I’m regretting what which I could not keep, Though it’s evident now you thought it was cheap, Forcing tears back, controlling my shakes, I pushed your face out of my head, Finally giving into tears, I begin to weep, It’s 2 o’clock and I’m unable to sleep It should be around 3, but I don’t know, The clock lies in pieces on the floor, I no longer care, I swear, I swear, But why were you never there? Forsaken God, all I had was you, But you sent me to hell, shrouded in despair, And by God, you should be scared, Because now I’m beginning to care In the fetal position, shaking on the floor, The phone in my hand tells me its four, “Drop the phone, just drop it”! I yell at myself, After three tries, I know you won’t pick up, We promised each other we’d be together forever, What a fucking joke! Well, whatever, I bet that’s what you said to the others too, I’m beginning to think I’m losing my mind, As I leave my confine to go to yours Downtown now, numb from the cold, Is that the reason I can no longer feel? Hell, was your love for me ever real? I thought you healed me, become something better, But now I know it was never true, But I’m never going to sink as low as you, The clock tower chimes five times into the night, And I wuss out of the confrontation, The sensation of cowardice infects me. I find a payphone, covered in snow, It’s 5:15 when I call you again, Maybe now I can make you understand, Nervously shaking with my pocket knife in hand, Pressed against my wrist, forcing me to speak, You finally pick up and I hear your treasonous voice, But I cannot move, frozen as the tears soaking my face, It appears my final failure is my grand stand and, Pressing the knife harder against me, The cold steal into my cold flesh, I say, “Maybe now this will make you understand” As I drop down in a pool of blood and tears, Maybe now you’ll understand…