Is This Really Summer?

If this is really summer, then for God's sake, where's the heat? And where are all the macho men, bare-chested in the street? Where are girls with skimpy tops and shorts akin to knickers? And where are all the crowded beaches full of ice cream lickers? Where are all the children building castles in the sand? And where are all the Freshmen lovers walking hand in hand? Where's the fragrant sun cream scent to infiltrate our noses? And where's the National water ban with dormant water hoses? Where are all the barbecues for seasonal meat cremation? And where are all the customary moorland conflagrations? Where are all the street cafes to let us drink al fresco? And where are all the summer deals available at Tesco? Where are all the bumble bees to bug us while you're eating? And where are all the paddling pools we'd like to dip our feet in? Where are all the vapour trails of jets en route to Spain? And where are all the sun-burnt lobsters, doubled up in pain? It's such a shame we won't experience all the things I've mentioned Cos' here, it's Spring then Autumn, Summer's always in detention! RjS