Jaded

im jaded by the idea of love, whether its real or only beneficial gain. im angry due to experience left with questions and who to blame. yet i miss it, or at least some pieces. not feeling alone and believing in romance, how it feels to be held, kissed, hugged, the minor inconveniences worthy of a second chance. but the pain, so deep, ever lasting, cutting deep, inconsolable, so present. the mental anguish that never fades, bruises would be easier at least they descend. to smile on the outside, put up a front, folding in on yourself, cant scream, cant cry. feeling every broken piece rattle with every move, "are you okay?" preparing your next lie. its the one, the feeling, the emotion, the one nothing consoles tho you try. no pet, no words, no hobby, no drug, not even a drink can fix this cry. moving on is so much easier in words in reality we survive, we maintain. master that fake smile and lie secretly emploding from the pain. how do you do it? just manage? when all you feel is nothing more than damaged.... -lori antoinette