My Darkest Secret

"What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!" (Romans 6:21) My brothers I’ve escaped a season's endless strife A dark illusionist of slight and shallow views Though not completely free I celebrate new life For God has set apart what porn had tried to use I knew the midnight screen that works a lonely night I knew the silent voice that speaks in solitude, The former kept my secret safe within my sight, The latter showed me why a woman could be nude As roses lost their common sense To lilies clothed in innocence. My brothers don’t presume addiction disappeared Nor lost its grip beyond my adolescent peak Nine years of giving in had left my conscience seared And I could not deny what made my spirit weak: A fantasy where girls would meet my every need A cold detachment from reality and pain A sense of hopelessness so willing to concede The struggle for one day of focus and refrain As roses sought their common sense From lilies bathed in innocence. Though in my darkest thoughts I said ‘be free of lust’ My purity was not my own to give away Until I died and fell before the Lord, to trust That love could offer more without temptation’s fray So I exposed myself to friends above reproach, To those who offered sound accountability And they insisted on permission to encroach Upon my inner self without hostility, Then roses found their common sense With lilies wrapped in innocence. I soon regained control of what my eyes could see When faced with greater shame from giving in once more, To write a thousand words detailing sordid glee Was too much consequence to feed my habit’s whore Oh brothers know I pray your strength be made complete, That God will manifest the change he’s worked in me That you will overcome and praise Him for this feat And learn how love reflects the objects that we see That roses gain their common sense From lilies washed of innocence.