My Last Wail

I’m on my own now, Through and through, Slipping down the path of grief in thoughtful solitude of my weary face, Standing all alone on the bridge of delusional fantasies, Springing violently to the edge but stopping suddenly, It’s too late. Too late to look down and regret something that should have never been. And you, You will always be there, In the eighth dimension of my mysteriously purple consciousness, Like a vibrant specter that keeps reappearing in my thoughts, Pulsating between my brain, my heart, and my sex. You will always be there, In my midnight dreamy sweaty head turning all night long, Chasing you from door to door, As a silhouette of the things that were, In the places that we used to call our own, In the memories of trees and walls and narrow Guzzetta corridors, And busy campus sidewalks where you so joyfully danced your soul In the circle of eternal sunshine and windy melody of your beautiful youth. You will always be there, At those soulless parties which you loved so, Scattered through random apartments, dorms, and houses of Ohio, Passed out drunk naked on the living room couches, Proposing love to everyone including yourself, In the kitchens, confused, manic, talking to menboys from America, Germany, and China, trying to explain them the joys of theatre and musicals, While I was crawling on my knees in the rooms nearby trying to gather my heart. You will always be there, Leaning against the sink surrounded by warm strangers Both accepting and ignoring my last wail. You will always be there, The queen of preppy gothic nerds and straight ambitionless theatre dropouts, The drama princess of your own pink world and arguably the department, Loved by all but those you love, and flattered by those you call friends. You will always be there, In the cold deafness of dance clubs, showing your body, Where you will never be a star since there will always be someone wearing less. You will always be there, There where I’m not, The prisoner of my mad jealousy and lust, Where we will never dream to live but only live to dream, Like the stardust that covers the streets of our dear Akron, Which can only be seen at dusk, time when all the shadows disappear And illuminate its secret unknown destiny. I’m on my own now, Wishing I had touched your tears and tasted their salt when I had the chance, When I told you that I loved you that night, When for some reason you started to cry And said that everyone wished you hurt. Well, I just wanted to LOVE YOU… And therefore, I embark on this journey through hell, ALONE.