My tired is tired.

Caregiver by profession, mother by God's grace, husband is a war veteran, mother's a headcase. Father's an alcoholic whom resides in my home, plus an older brother, with no idea how to be grown. I can't tell you why their burdens always become mine, all I know is everyone else has control of my time. Moments arise when it gets to be too much, sometimes I wonder, will it ever be enough? No thank you's, no grattitude, not even a care- in their minds I'm programed to always be there. Thus far I have been, always on the drop of dime. Work, family, priorites, always in the front of my mind. It's been over a year since I had a moment to myself, as far as problems ranking, always everybody else. I do this all knowing there isno 'quid pro quo'. Yet, I know my tired is tired and I want no one to know. I can't show weakness, I can't let anyone see- dependable, available, that's what I've got to be. I don't need appreciation, just a little speck of faith, I feel like I should save the world! Still I watch and wait. I know I can't help those unwilling to help themselves, but what happens when those people are a part of yourself? I can't let anyone suffer, endure pain, or do without, not just because I love them, because their survival, I doubt. I will always be the rock, it's flowing through my blood. Why? Because in my mind it's all for a greater good. I want everyone to be happy, stable, settled, and okay, but I feel a heart attack approaching soon now anyday. I'll never stop giving my time, caring about those I love, I'm happy I have a big heart and impatience, I have none. I'm happy I'm not selfish, not completely self absorbed, but as I get older it seems everyone wants and needs more. Maybe I am venting a little, but, complaints truly I have but one, Why can't they ever remember the things I have done? 5-23-11