Pipe Smoker Secrets

When just twenty-one, I took to a pipe; Now come of age, I thought the time ripe! Struggled to light, as tobacco was wet, And sick as a dog, at first I did get! Pipe lighting ritual, time takes to master; Acquired the knack, and process was faster! At first I did waste oh! so many matches; Hands and clothes stained with nicotine patches! Why smoke a pipe, if so inefficient? It projected, I thought, one self-sufficient! From legends and myths, you may well have gleaned, Pipe smoker's a guy, who's not fully weaned! Don't wag your finger! it's rude...heaven's sake; Aim stem of pipe...ah! good point that you make! Those curved balls tossed, as quick as a wink, Light your pipe slowly, and create time to think! Puff away gently, while time you do bide; A peaceful façade, to hide turmoil inside! Not seen without it, my image complete; First came the pipe, then size thirteen feet! Not all that rosy, as well you may think; Some said ugh!...of pipe smoke you stink! With curtains on fire, and clothes full of holes, The crosses we bear, us pipe-smoking souls! Smoked many years, till alas and alack, You guessed it, a darned heart attack! In hospital passage, caught sneaking a puff; What the hell!...snarled doc in huff! Gave up, cold turkey, but not without pain; Since scene in that passage, not smoked again! Had bypass, feel better, life oh! so sweet; But girth is expanding, for I just want to eat!