Recipe - Shopping Alone (Shaken And Stirred)

You Will Need: 1 warm November day; 1 KTM 450 EXC off-road racing bike, complete with 1 four stroke cylinder and 1 design defective placement of front brake lever and throttle; 1 overactive, restless adrenalin junkie husband when your preparation for a shopping junket takes well over 2 hours; 3 Budweiser tall boys; 3 one milligram Klonopin tablets; and 1 large subdivision with long-winding roads and multiple series of speed bumps combined with cars and trees lining the streets. Preparation Time: Enough time for him to consider adding 1 helmet, a thought to be discarded after the Budweiser and benzodiazepines take desired effect. Method: Let him loose from the house and allow him to mix the wheelies, the thunder, the excitement, the jumps launched by speed bumps, and the long, fish-tail skids on knobby tires. Stir in the defective throttle and misplaced front brake lever. Digest the sight slowly in the hospital emergency room with morphine drip and clicking surgical staples, bringing yelps of pain from a mouth contained within a shattered skull on a body, broken and bruised. Then throw up your lunch and go shopping alone with his credit card. *variation on the recipe for disaster