Rewriting My Life

What you saw in my words You thought it was fiction But in this long run it’s just my diction Even then my mission was to be heard For people to understand every word I would of left unheard Letting all the stalkers know What was really wrong? I needed a way to show my voice Without talking There was many times when I would do something And later on someone was mocking it Temporally stopping me from my concept Except a select few who knew and understood That everything I said was true It took this one book I wrote in that left I shook Still it was then when I finished it And could no longer look My prized possession That was priceless To go missing Hinting my contained world What is my position? After awhile everyone started to listen I thought to myself What the point was I was judged Tugged like baggage And thrown away like old cabbage After sessions I was laughed at I didn’t even know who to be mad at But myself I was my fault I opened up My fault I spoken I guessed that I was really that weapon I destructed every possible good moment If I would let everything be unsaid I could have just lain in bed And just faced the fact my brother was dead But I couldn’t I would let me feelings just be plain I know he watches me And when I finally meet him again How would I explain? He would ask Did you care? Have you even looked in the mirror? And observe the face of terror I pleaded guilty to the jury of god And other holies I mocked the bible And every letter and all the statements in it I sinned my whole life I even tried taking my own life Countless time even the first time I failed times later I tried again I was many of the reasons My mom cried timeless nights I was the reason way I had many fights I’m the assassin that took the lights Away from freedoms tunnel Even I know it’s my fault I would still mumble about how much I hated The world Love Being Hugged My family Religion All my decisions God And even my self Who could I really blame? But me I see the seas I cried I lied to every person who I told I have no feelings Not anyone could deal with what I had to Even the few I told my story to Got mad Sad and then happy I’m still here There was many time were my face could and would have Disappeared Yet someone something steered the danger away I fear today that all my word play would be my new role Everything I announced so far is just a scar on my leg Know I recall that my downfall was there staircase I force myself to walk up I wasn’t ready I was too young Now that I think about it I was dumb How come every deed I’ve done? Turned out to be a seed That grew into this germ I earned this worm I guess How was I blessed? But the person I cared about most was stressed I pressed my pens so hard It scared me more than the paper I stood outside And Stared to the sky In any and maybe All forms of weather I felt better The more I got worse I felt reborn when I felt The need to start over As bad as this might sound To overcome I had to forget I had a brother Mentally walk away From the visibility of my mother It took so much not to kill off My last and only Careless Brother Mahlik who later became weak But down inside me I could seek Out the fact he cared One of the few reasons why He was mentally spared He was there He dared to stare and glare at me In hopes to see through my agony And figure out why he was happy And I wasn’t They eyes he looked in lied Fried his brain the same way mine was once I gave him what I wanted him to know I am the mister that knows why I’m the only reason I cry I’m tell all the day before I fly away Or fall after all It’s my life And I’m choosing to stall