Silence, Solace and Self

Silence, Solace, And Self Imagine the passion, waves clashing with shore, I so adore And me walking and remembering, following the beach wood wondering if I could forget the absurd everything(!) that blankets clear thoughts with the clutter of living hard, rather than the morning, the birds chirping, the sand sifting between my toes and the wind softly blowing controlling the balance of 'me' -living- All of this so consuming, I lay down, weak from so much sound what loudness you may ask? This life I have cast, the stones have landed and they stand fast, and my beating the inevitable past burdens me with hope, such bitter remorseful hope! Only the taste of the cool-moist ocean air rushing, rumblings rivers through my soul gathers up these smoky whispers of my past and pulls me back to the silence, where peace is harbored like a spigot of land and my world of blowing sand, becomes an oasis. The orchestra of this life builds and blooms into a million words without words, and that alone makes me feel at home, and whisks me back to the rocky, ravaged edge of an ocean where a deaf man hears what is to be heard and listens to what is said Softly blowing now, a cool wind frowns with a deep chill and the hounds haunt my realm of silence by treading deeper still, to the stillness that reaches through years, through fears, through all that I may feel, for my solace is my chalice of salvation, my rendition of redemption. And in the cold, I feel alive, so alive it makes me bold! Courageous enough to challenge my soul, and my peace of mind. So empowered am I that I am willing to attack my other self in defense of my true self. I left sadness for a happy trail, I left a hell-bent life on a heavenly gale and I flew high, as high as I could fly to find my angel, and my imaginative fairyland fable. Only a dream a fool may dream? Perhaps? But a dream within a dream, looking at a life, at a person who wanted escape, but could find no such freedom, could not stop running to see the sun until this moment, right now! All past wrongs, miscalculations, mistakes, and lapses of judgment be gone! They are accepted for what they are, but not for what they have become. This burden is my harness and I will not till the fields under a master who lays sterile seeds. This moment, now! I must seize my peace, for without peace, the mind is a jumble of thoughts, and self cannot coexist in the absence of solace. And so I find myself in the midst of a thunder cloud carrying the waters of this world, and I feel a raindrop drip, and another until I am soaked. Each drop a blessing of remembrance, and semblance of forgiveness, which I alone could accept, and I alone accepted, that I am me, and I am at peace. With my arms in the air and the ocean rushing up to my knees I declare, "I must be free?" And I am not afraid. From here to the brisk beyond, I ride the waves, still, in search of freedom. And inside this inner self that haunts me, what I see, does it's violence, velocity to destruction steal me back to reality? I wish it were so simple - to escape. I see only madness and I feel mad. I surrender to this violence, and lose all semblance of me, my freedom to be free. On a bridge to another time, I walk, I cross this bridge to the other side where a fluttering, flickering flash of a dream resides, reminds, opens the blinds. A recollection of my past seemingly holds me, steals me, even hates me. But time anchors, and regenerates the heart and soul of me. The waves of dreamy froth take me back to the child that was so uncouth, without the weight of wisdom, and truth? Only the feather reality. Where simple harmony, pure-blissful, satisfying-delightful discovery of everything awaited me. I grin, I sigh, I uncover and emotional frenzy. I find that I can mend my life. In a rush of pure joy, I realize the madness! For the first time I heard the rhythms of my heartbeat, and the calling of this life. And I didn't feel beside my life but inside it, a part of it. Two and two we became one and the same, through and through not an eye looking in, but an eye looking out. And there, sudden like, I witnessed a sunset bloom, reflecting ghoulish motifs of an angry sky. And a wondrous smile brightens on my face and I swim in such happiness, such joyous happiness, because I am me, myself, and a self only of self, free, at last, to be myself. In a revelation of imagination silence, solace and self swim across the ocean of my mind where, a-swoon, I sing to the coming moon... ***A very old poem I wrote when I was younger (can't you tell?). I went in and made a few changes. Of course more are needed, but before I get too ambitous, I want to see what those of you think at MPF. Perhaps a few will even show me where some of the concepts and transitions are weak. And others point out the parts they like.