The Day After

If I change my appearance will that make me a new person? What if I change my inward appearance as well as my outward? Then can I be brand new? Like a shiny piece of gold to come out of some sordid creek. Theres nothing that I possess, for any one but myself, I think. I'm no longer a child! And here I am at the cross roads; to gain the power to not only take, but also to give! To give life, to give love, to give compassion, to give happiness. How can I become adept to such skills when I can not even master the abilities to give these things to myself? But I will! I will immerse from that creek...glowing, shining, and singing. Not for the attention that it may bring, but to finally be myself , and to finally be free. How many things did you show me how to do? How many subjects did you sharpen my knowledge to? Now I can come and go as I choose, just like you! At times i feel empty, but such feelings under such circumstances are only for the callow girl. The girl that I am no more, the girl that does not deserve the respect to shine. Though my pallet may no longer be comforted by your earthy charm...it shall soon be filled with other things. And when I see you again, when i finally see you again, as I have waited for so impatiently, no one will believe this new way about me. And where will I go? Now that there is nothing left on the soil, that i can see , that is for me to conquer and make my own? Will I return to my old ways or continue to reach for these ideals that I hunger to master? But I still wonder where you are. Where will you go when i am not there to influence your mind as to where to go? We let each other go because you do not belong to me...only to this earth. I feel lost today; trying to split the idea of you and me in my head in half. Wanting no more thoughts of you and me in this unreasonable mind state; only me, and you on your own because you are not apart of me! Then I begin to think about the realm of the unseen... how much of you is left in my body, in my house, and car. STOP! I'll vacuum again.