the mysogyny in heartache

The turmoil of “what if’s “pour through my brain like sugar Too sweet to taste alone but irresistible with one extra condiment The hammer that screams ALONE pounds my chest without mercy Breathes of cement chips escape from my throat along with coughing sobs Like some forgotten child And I am your forgotten child, young and vulnerable without my other half To let me pretend I have more than just life to get along with To pretend I can be something Less broken that all the history stored in boxes in side of me To make me more whole than the books I hide in. So I call and call and you don’t answer; My questions about life and love and what matters Because your career is more important than our love And I am the mad woman in the attic screaming at you from the window to come home and dry my tears Gaping wide eyed in the mirror I see a sane me, pulled together with twine Gazing in your eyes I see yellow wall paper turn on me And a skirt full of rocks in a fast moving river But all the while I’m learning that these are only pebble hills in my journey And tears are just saline taken from the ocean And your just mechanical parts half pulled and apart and broken And maybe with my heart and with your brains we can solve this equation But I’m crying all the same, For the time lost trying to find the piece that isn’t there How long do we keep searching this junkyard filled with grey destruction? And moldering mistakes, ashen passion and dirty hates At what point will the rust envelope you And when will I chase a butterfly the other way What are we waiting for?