The Shrink

The Shrink I went to my Shrink To kick up a stink, Because my subconscious drives Were giving me hives. My skin got all hot And I sweated a lot, I just couldn’t think And was driven to drink. I said, “You said you were sure That you’d find me a cure.” Then I said to this Doc. “I know you feel shock, But on my troublesome Id I can’t hold down the lid, The damned thing bursts out And makes me scream and shout. Its language is rotten And with sex its besotten.” “Oh can’t you help me” “ Please, please set me free” The Mind Doctor replied, “Your super ego has died And your ego by the Id is possessed, So with evil and sex you’re obsessed.” “This state will persist, You’ve no power to resist. Whatever once was you Has vanished into the blue. Lie down on my couch And I’ll prove it to you.” Then the Id took control Of this demented soul. It leered at the shrink And demanded strong drink, Shouting “I’ll show you who’s boss, Your therapy is, not worth a toss.” The shrink staggered back Under this vicious attack But poured out a drink briskly, With sleeping pills in the Id’s whiskey. The Id downed this brew With a swig good and true, Then it yawned and belched loudly And fell asleep very soundly. This resourceful shrink Now had time to think. There are huge problems here He mused over his beer, Can client exist with no Id at all? With no primal drives client’s sex life will stall. While the Id slept and snored Our Shrink’s intellect soared. His mind explored its resources, Whilst he pondered various courses. Now there is much about Freud That makes our Shrink Hero annoyed. What if he mused, Freud was all wrong, I might prove to the Id, he just doesn’t belong. Then the Id would be off like a nasty smell, Would my client recover from his mental hell? After more thought, “Aha” exclaimed Shrink. “Behaviorist Skinner has the answer I think, I’ll condition this Id like Skinner’d do with a rat And I’ll train clients ego to act like a cat.” “Then clients Id will be under control And his mind will return to a state sound and whole.” “The super ego too will have time to re-grow. This latter process I know will be slow But consults earn money, this all us shrinks know And with our cost of living we all need more dough!”