the sunset kisses the prairie

Okay, the first one is the rewrite and the second is the original. Which is better? the sunset kisses the prairie her intent to tease, jumped off track, too late, she finds damage, caused by her words, as though slashed, indiscriminately with her dagger. sensitivities snap, as ribbons in gale force winds. as if she were a needle, she draws him through her eye, while he is caught within, they work together to mend the rents in their fabric. he could escape, if he tries, but she did say, "meet me, where the sunset kisses the prairie; wewill fix this." 10-10-10 ©tlp 2010 the sunset kisses the prairie his tongue flicks across her lips, his eyes lock onto hers, the world goes away. nothing, but the moment. no one, but these two. as if she were a needle, she draws him through her eye, while he is caught within they work, together to mend the rents in their fabric. he can escape, if he tries, but she said, "meet me, where the sunset kisses the prairie; we can fix this." 10-10-10 ©tlp 2010