thought in progress

looking beyond the inner sighs, I believed so desperately, feeling that now I, who beheld this peace was whole again with one who understood, someone like me ... searching your smile, I breathed confidence warming around this strength of conviction, the words we exchanged confirmed I could fly on the eve of this new realization, and I so wanted to to even conceive anything beside this sinking refusal now that I reflect along with those other reasoned rationalizations was I that addled to even think I could ever need you? or that you even moved closer to loving me from this side of never will be, gazing across our great divide pondering no possibilities dying inside this abject reality ...