Tolerance

Tolerance I sit here in the silence of the TV noise And the tapping of the key board And I think of all the witty things I could say To make this situation seem more funny To make the pain fuck off Go away Because I can't deal with this I can't deal with the fact that you hate me That every hurtful joke has a stinging sense of truth to it Yet I know all your truths are twisted lies I can't deal with the fact that every time I hear you call my name it sends a shiver down my spine I can't deal with the fact that you fill my brain to the bursting so that nothing makes sense anymore nothing I say is good enough to defend I can't deal with being who you want me to be I sit here, my fingers cramping and my eyes stinging with imaginary tears from every other time I've been more upset than this And I think about when I was little and I used to crawl into your bed and sleep there for the night because I was lonely without you And I wonder if it was more than my height that made that change And god, I can't deal with writing this here so fucking calmly while you sit out there like a zombie never loving me the way you did before. Sitting dead in front of that plastic box of wires Until it pulls ever one of my strings till my little puppet feet can dance no more When I can finally admit to you that I can't deal with this. And then I finally won't have to. I can't deal with the tick and the tock of the waiting watching my courage decay as you sit there like a cat. Licking your fingers once you've got your cream. I can deal with a lot of things, but I can't deal with that wrote this at least two years ago... if possible would love comparison with this peice and other current works. cheers gwen