Truth in Doubt

Chapter I: September 2003 (Colorado Springs, USA): What is there left to say when there’s nothing left to do, When actions aren’t what they should be and thoughts deceive me too. What then is there that I should say and why must it be said, The thoughts go round and round until they’re splitting from my head. The future, present, and the past won’t leave me to myself, I bottle my emotions up and put them on a shelf. The choices seem so simple, likes it’s just a yes or no. But the path my heart leads down on now my brain won’t let me go. The world is on my shoulders weighing heavily on me, The question is upon me, “who’s the man I want to be?” In the end this path will run its course; I’ll figure myself out, But standing here right now I know the truth is lost in doubt. Chapter II: January 2009 (Tokyo, Japan): What is there left to do when there’s nothing left to say, When those black and white decisions turn an indecisive gray, When your heart is in rebellion and then simply won’t agree, With a mind that tells you diff’rent with each aching, yearning plea, For five more years have passed now and it seems as something’s changed, And it seems there’s no solution for a heart that’s gone estranged, But those simple sounding questions, those that end in yes or no, They are even still unanswered like they were so long ago, But five more years of questions, indecision and denial, Have made a lonely heart feel like my soul’s been put on trial, But I’m starting now to think that there is only one way out, For as long as I do nothing then the truth is still in doubt. Chapter III: February 2011(Ali al Salem, Kuwait): What is there left to say, now that everything is done, A relationship has crumbled from the turmoil I have spun, This simple indecision which has poisoned heart and mind, Has attempted to give sight to love, when love it should be blind, But all this doubt and second guess, the things you hear and say, They’ve obscured my sight of what I had, until it went away, The doubt which has consumed my life, the lesser of my charms, Has run its course and pushed her to another’s eager arms, And now my mind is crystal clear, the path is clearly shown, But down this path I’ll wander through this life of mine alone, For now the best thing in my life, my love, I’ll go without, I gave it up and lost it all by fearing my own doubt. Chapter IV: July 2011 (Little Rock, USA): What shall I do or say now that a new love has begun, That my decade’s battle with despair is finally now undone, For the doubt I feared has been replaced with happiness and love, And rejuvenated passion in the Lord our God above, For now I recognize what doubt was telling me for years, That a doomed romance could not be saved by blood, and sweat and tears, But a true love is the blessing of a loving savior’s grace, And it sparkles in the eyes and smile upon my lover’s face Now I’ve fallen for an angel; love of body and of mind, When before I went and fell in love with something undefined, But instead of wasting time in anguish, frustrated to pout, I’ll journey through this life on Earth, in love without a doubt. EPILOUGE Years of grief and anguish towards a goal you can’t achieve, Knowing not the path that God’s laid out which no man could perceive, But the heartbreak and the anguish, and the happiness you dream, They are all just but a ripple in your life’s unending stream, Although it sometimes seems as if the end is though defeat, Remember that God’s plan for you might not yet be complete…