unstitching

11-05-2003 (my first poem) “unstitching” So you ask me what’s wrong, why i hide away from the world, why i hold back, why i don’t move, day in day out all by myself. my life is a tapestry, dark and light colours, patterns and images, crossing, complimenting, contrasting the unimaginable picture of my soul. others have come, our lives have joined, entwined into each other, we created the new, the vivid, the birth of a million new colours. they have since ripped away, torn off from my life, the neat borders, the completion, just tattered edges, frayed, weak fingers grabbing for what was once there. fibres, once glowing veins pulsing with light, are now ash, grey sinew, spidery parasitic strands, eating away my most beautiful colour. it is going to take me some time, time to remove these threads. i have to be gentle, tear by tear, painful surgery with no anaesthetic. i will repair my tapestry, and recreate my pictures, eventually, but for now, please understand, i need to be here by myself, unstitching.