vanilla

the moment I realize I’m empty and feel nothing is when the ice cream man asks me about what flavour I want and I don’t know the answer because I’m empty and I don’t know whether I like chocolate or raspberry I walk away without choosing anything because I like nothing and I don’t feel like ice cream sitting on a bench looking at the sea I remember when I was the wave the wave that carried loneliness and pain and happiness sang of the wives who left their husbands and children who fell in love I walk towards the ice cream truck and I think of the times when I knew where to go, whom to kiss and what to write I say “vanilla, please” and walk away with ice cream melting on my hands the nothingness tastes sweet and feels sticky I lick it off my fingers and step into the wave