Weight on the shoulders

I can't seem to grasp this reality that I have been ordered never understand why am I the subject so many others but I am the one Can I not stray enough from myself to see the bigger picture am I really the one at large or am I just blind to others misfortune am I Atlas? or am I the world? do I bear the burden, or am I the burden? are my suffers a result of my foul actions? or am I a project of God's damnation? I stride each day to find the answer but I am just looking for nothing. For either way I will still be the one to blame