Reminiscence

I am numb with morphine 
and the shadows are moving in from the edges 
like ghosts awaiting my final slumber 
but the mind 
in its final stages 
in its final pulse of energy 
begs to go back 
to the night I paused 
when you pleaded for clarity 
where our lives were headed 
did I love you 
and I refused to crumble under your tears 
 
I lost you somewhere between blind cowardice 
and my detached heart 
all the while searching for a reason 
not to love you as I did 
 
the thought of you could come at any moment 
and stayed with me as clearly as 
this final vision I hold now 
what a fool I was 
what a pitiful fool