What I Deserve

A cold bitterness slowly seeps its way into my heart again How long has it been since I last felt this Did it leave at all, or was it just a figment of my imagination then I’ve become desensitized to the hurt because it’s the only thing I can feel Pain is the only thing that breaks through the façade of who I pretend to be I’m the shell of a person I once was Nothing hurts, nothing helps, only pain, only sorrow How many times will I swallow your lies You tell me you care about me but you never seem to show it Am I a doll, was I put here on earth for your entertainment? Use me, beat me down, and treat me how you think I deserve to be treated I deserve nothing less I am bound to a life of suffering because of the person I am I am destined to burn in hell; go back to the fire from which I came Build me up and then tear me down, have your way with me I may hate myself afterwards… but I still come crawling back for more Every fiber of my being drags me back to you I feed off of pain; it’s the only emotion I can really feel anymore Give me pain, I reign in it, I deserve it, I thrive on it to feel I may hate myself for what I let you do to me In the end I use the pain you give me to deceive myself My hate for you buries the hate I feel for myself, at least for the moment