When Thoughts Return

I don't worry about the drizzling rain, I can't even be concerned of the lightning's crash To me it all just seems a pretty sight to see My mind is simply consumed by a scurry For pictures and words all fill my mind And they all follow a similar theme, A sweet voice, his thoughts about obsession, And with guard down I allow no more pretension. When I’ve fallen and I lay sobbing, I can no longer pretend that all is right. For too long he has tormented my every thought By now I thought his lesson had been taught. But screaming and crying I can see it had not, And everyday I’d tell myself that dirty lie. It was easier to hide this betraying feeling, Deep inside I knew meeting him was fate sealing. Now I’m eternally destined to self destruct, To break down at an odd word, a simple song. I would call it love if it didn’t tear me asunder, Simple stated, this is my biggest blunder. What I feel for him is not a pretty thing, It’s dirty, dark, obsessive, and painful. It’s unending and torturous, slowly killing me, A feeling so far disgracing I allow no one else to see. I’ve been told the line between love and hate is thin, But it is long and thick and I’m stuck in the middle. My love for him is all consuming and sweet as sin, My hate for him is ravaging and that’s just to begin. I can not think of or want another man, He always comes to destroy all that I have. I’m my mind I know he is not worth the pain, But I constantly think of him and I’m barely still sane. The only way I can manage to survive is to lie, To myself, to others, to hid this odd feeling. So I will continue on day to day I will keep all thoughts of him at bay. I’ll keep him hidden deep inside. I’ll keep a smile plastered on my face. My only side effect will be days like these, Gladly, they come and go like the breeze. After this storming night all shall be fine, Broken down I will let all the pain out. When my guard returns I’ll think of him no more, I will heal, and this night will be but a thing of lore. -Miranda Lynn Pomar