Wolfie And Me

Hey there I'm a student who is applying for a degree in English with Creative writing. I've been asked to submit a portfolio and one poem in particular is giving me trouble. It's a light hearted ballad, however i have issues with the rhythm. I have cut down the words drastically and i\\m hoping it make sense now; however two lines do not yet make sense and are a little long, any suggestions on how to fix this would be EXTREMELY grateful. I know what you're thinking: Who is this girl, coming on here expecting us to write her material for her -tuts- I have put in a lot of word and i very much need feedback as this degree means a lot to me. The poem is put in Londoner slang for those Americans out there who might be confused with the wording...Ska is a kind of odd club music =D Wolfie and Me Night approaches in London Town The youth of today are poised to ‘get down’ Beer, fags, a mad dance some Ska A wholesome meal of kebab and bundle into the car This night was different, it came with spice The youth in question, too pissed, so Jack will suffice. Jack the Lad, bright pink shirt, handful of Stella Bopping, bleary-eyed, mischief with the fellas His eyes darted as drunk as he The fresh blue orbs now a washed out green Too pissed was young Jack, poor little lamb To notice the wolf eyeing her man. This normally happens the other way around But Jack was in trouble, a danger profound Willowy frame, ample bust, advanced on Jack from behind He responded well as most lads do, I thought he’d lost his mind. Grabbing and grinding, hard partying fun Unaware as his washed out greens gazed into her spectacled ones. What happened next I’m ashamed to tell They really went for it, damning onlookers to hell Her hand, his crotch, his attention on her bust I honestly could do nothing but stand there in disgust The wolf whispered sweet nothings into the ear of Jack so young A lustful grin spread across his lips, the wolf had used her tongue. A move was made to the shady cloakroom As the two entwined hands, I felt overpowering gloom The motion was swift; the wolf with vice-like grip I’d never seen her move so fast, not with that hip The curtains were hurriedly drawn, I couldn’t get a peek Drunken giggles were audible and then…a shriek. Young Jack scampered free, pink shirt worse for wear The wolf followed disappointed as she adjusted her hair Over to his bar-crawl brethren, Jack stumbled with grief In turn they looked over; the wolf grinned and flashed her teeth Despite pitiful Jack, the guys looked impressed Cocky Phil sauntered over, liking the wolf’s state of dress. The wolf snapped him up right then and there Phil didn’t notice the odd tilt of her hair Jack looked at me, face deathly pale He pleaded that I save Phil, let justice prevail The giggles resumed, the sounds of slurped kissing was grim But there I stood as the wolf claimed her victim. Why didn’t I act? Maybe I didn’t care? Was I not ‘bovvered’ giving young drunks a scare? Why didn’t I stop the noises of ecstasy pouring over the curtain? Why did I do nothing as the sounds began to worsen? Well with her pink high heels, spectacles, ample bust She was just being herself, respect was a must I couldn’t have saved those lads could I? An unthinkable plan To barge in and spoil a regular night for the wolf…oh I mean gran. Thanks. Cheystar