Woodpecker

My stomach is bleeding My heart is dead My soul is dying Playing pretend Climb up a ladder Only to fall Into the darkness Into a wall Pausing with regret, I question myself For what was I meant With what I have dealt To go so far Only to fail My life revealed Sober and pale Shaking and crying I call out for help But no one can help me I've done this to myself Blithering idiot, drunk and insane For all this misery Actions are to blame Cussing like a mad man Running through streets Doing whatever Could this really be me? When I wake in the morning It's a faint point of heart The evil created Right from the start The start is the night And night is like day I get in the shower And start this parade My hand is ready For drinks and smokes Preparing myself For assholes and dopes What am I doing I'm so afraid If only I wasn’t so damned ashamed Doubtful of the past Scared of a future If there is a god-why'd he create such a creature? A creep; a menace; a bum- a nerd A girl that’s ugly A girl that's absurd This person in pain Right here; right now My whole life I've suffered In this big crowd As I think of myself, I think of one phrase Just a couple of lines Puts me in a daze: If only if only The woodpecker cried Screaming with bloodshed Tears in his eyes If only if only I could just be free And see what it's like Not to be me.